(When starting with Trevor) (Call Steve) Trevor: Who the fuck is this? Steve: The guy keeping you out of the gas chamber, Townley's on his way. We need to talk face to face. Steve: Warehouse off Dutch London in Banning. Trevor: Oh, we can do more than talk, my friend. ---- (When starting with Michael) (Call Steve) Michael: De Santa. Steve: That's not the name in your file, Michael. Steve Haines here. Michael: Yeah, Agent Douchebag. Hey, that poor son of bitch we grabbed for you still breathing? Steve: See for yourself. Right now. Trevor Philips is on his way to help with the debrief. Steve: Warehouse off Dutch London in Banning. Michael: Great. Sounds just like my kinda party. ---- (When you arrive at the warehouse with Trevor) Trevor: Mikey. Trevor: You gotta quit that shit, man. Michael: Yeah, I know. Trevor: I take speed mostly, and look at me, Boom. Trevor: Best shape of my life. Michael: Yeah. Trevor: Yeah, I could still take you, sugartits. Michael: That's because you're fucking deranged. Not because you're in good shape. Trevor: Hey, why don't you stick to doing fucking crunches and feeling bad about yourself, alright, pork chop? Michael: Hey, fuck you! Trevor: You know, I'm beginning to think that's exactly what you wanna do. Michael: Yeah. Jesus.... Michael: I just said the same thing to my wife. ---- (Upon arrival at the warehouse as Michael) Trevor: Sweet Jesus. Michael: The hell are you doing? Trevor: Nothing. Michael: Are you taking a dump? Trevor: Why do you care, huh? Michael: The fuck is wrong with you? Trevor: I got abandonment issues. Trevor: I see a shrink once a week. Michael: Ah, you know, fuck you. Trevor: Yeah, well, you know. There's nothing like uh, meeting a bunch of creeps from the government in a quiet building for someone to grow balls. ---- Devin: Did you see his face that last time I popped him? Devin: Boom! Steve: Oh, ladies! Trevor: God, you're an asshole. Trevor: You, you back there, I know you, but you? You I don't know. Devin: Yeah, well until I see reason otherwise, why don't we just keep it that way? Devin: Steve, what a pleasure, bro. Oh! Trevor: He reminds me of one of those guys you see advertising pills for middle age men that can't get erections. Steve: Hey, Devin Weston... is a very good friend of mine, so why don't you watch your tongue? Steve: 'Cause let me tell you something, that guy gets more tail than a... than a tail catcher. Trevor: I'll have to fucking remember that line. Trevor: You... where did we meet? Dave: Nowhere, pal. Trevor: Yeah we did. Michael: Hey, ho, what are we doing here, huh? Steve: This... Ferdinand: Please... keep the slick bastard away from me. Steve: No, no. Ferdinand, he's gone, he's gone. Steve: It's okay, I've got some new friends here now. Dave: This is Michael, and this... Dave: this is Trevor. Ferdinand: No. Dave: Now our friend here, he claims he doesn't know anything. Ferdinand: I don't... I don't know anything. I don't know... Ferdinand: I already told nothing. Nothing, I don't know an-an-anything. Ferdinand: Please. Please. Sir. Steve: You know about the Azerbaijanis. Ferdinand: Huh? Steve: Azerbaijanis! Ferdinand: I do audio visual, hi-fi audio visual. Ferdinand: He's top man, good price, VIP. Steve: You're fucking spy. Ferdinand: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not spies. Steve: And the asswipes at the Agency know this. Steve: So i need to know, what did you tell them and what did they tell you? Ferdinand: I, I told them, I told them... what I tell you. Steve: Uh-huh. Ferdinand: What? (Steve attaches a heart rate monitor to Ferdinand) Ferdinand: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Steve: This doesn't hurt. Ferdinand: The house in Rockford Hills. Ferdinand: The man who owns it, he works at the consulate. Ferdinand: That's all I know. Steve: That's it? Ferdinand: That's it. Steve: We're gonna make him speak. Ferdinand: I go. No. no, no, no... Steve: You two are gonna drive up to Rockford Hills, Steve: and when we find out which man is the man with the problem you put him down. Steve: 'cause I'm tired of these fucking nitwits at the Agency taking all the glory. Michael: Alright, the fuck is all this, huh? Trevor: I think it's a good time, buddy. Trevor: You know? Go for a drive. Steve: You get to work, and uh... I'm not here. ---- Dave: The guy's your neighbor. Caesars Place, Rockford Hills. Michael: Yeah, the more I see of your boss, the more I like him. Dave: I was you, I wouldn't be so critical of who others associate with. Michael: So, is he going to be a problem? Dave: For sure, But there's nothing we can do about it. Dave: If something happened to him right now, I'd be right under a microscope. Dave: an electron microscope of bureaucratic shit, Dave: and that would make it very difficult to keep old secrets. Michael: Oh, well, boohoo for you. Michael: You know who else is having trouble keeping secrets, asshole? Me. After you brought Trevor in on this. Dave: I only brought him in after you'd put out your press release "Townley's taking scores again!" Dave: The Los Santos reboot. Dave: If we didn't control the situation, and he'd unearthed this connection, then what? Michael: Then Trevor flips out, beheads me, kills my family... or raises' em as his own. Michael: I don't know which is worse. Anyway, any of that could happen at any time. Dave: Slow down, Let's think this through. What does he know? Michael: He knows I'm alive. He knows I got money. And, now he knows I'm working with the FIB. Dave: Does he know how long you've been working with the FIB? Michael: How long? The fuck does the matter? Dave: Either you were working with us before the cash depot job- you walked your crew into an ambush. Dave: one of them spent ten years on the run, and the other landed in a Federal penitentiary... Michael: Or? Dave: Or we stumbled on the cash depot job, Brad went down, you went down, Trevor got away. Dave: The FIB cut you a deal on your sick bed, faked your death, and you end up here. Michael: Who's to say which of those is true? Dave: That there's any doubt probably accounts for you being alive. Michael: Back there, Trevor made your right away, The second he saw you. Dave: You remember, after the bust, I was in all the papers, I was on the evening news. Dave: "The man who killed Michael Townley." Michael: Yeah, I was quite a trophy. a good head to hang on your wall. Dave: Back then, sure. Now now. ---- (Michael and Dave arrive on site) ---- Michael: This is bullshit. Michael: This place? Davey, they been shooting the "Real Cunts of Suburbia" here the last few weeks. Michael: No way that's your guy. Dave: Shit. You are kidding me. I'll call Steve. Dave: Wrong house, This guy isn't our guy. Steve: Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, you sure you don't want to silence him just to make sure? Dave: If we're silencing someone, we're silencing the right someone. Get me another address. Dave: Hey, you want a coffee? ---- Steve: Turns out that was the wrong Azerbaijani. We need a new address from Mr. K. Steve: Choose your instrument, and go to work on him. Trevor: Where do we start, eh, buddy? Ferdinand: Wait. What are you talking about, the wrong guy? No. Who do you want? Ferdinand: Just tell me what you want, Huh, man? Huh? Please. Look at me. Please. ---- (Different texts for each torture tool.) (Torture scene) (When picking a wrench) Trevor: The anticipation is always worse. Trevor: You'll barely feel a thing. Trevor: Where you want it? Trevor: It ain't even the biggest tool in the room. Ferdinand: Please don't hit me. (When hitting the knee) Trevor: I hope you're not a skier! Trevor: Watch the knee! Trevor: Knee shot! (If you hit the right arm) Trevor: Dead arm. Trevor: Don't flinch now! Trevor: Take it like a man! Trevor: You right handed? (When hitting the penis) Trevor: Nutcracker! Trevor: Ball breaker! Trevor: Bullseye! (When picking up the electric battery.) Trevor: How many volts you think they got running through these things? Trevor: This'll put hair on your chest. Trevor: Sparky, sparky. Trevor: I'm going to level with you. This'll hurt. Ferdinand: That's dangerous! You could kill me! (If you have been losing for a long time) Steve: He's cooked. Quit it. Steve: We need him moderately coherent. Steve: You'll run out of juice. (When the electrical advisor ends) Trevor: He went and pissed himself! Trevor: Look at the chub in his pants! Trevor: Oh, I think he's getting a stiffy! Trevor: You see his face when I did that? (When picking up the pliers) Trevor: Tell me where to start. Are any of those teeth less useful than the others? Trevor: Free dental work. Aren't you a lucky boy? Trevor: Now, if you open real wide, I might be able to just reach right back there and grab one of those big ones. Trevor: You gotta be a sick fuck to want to be a dentist. Trevor: I hope you've been flossing! Trevor: Dentistry, as an industry, hasn't advanced in the last hundred years, Still a bunch of sadomasochist. Ferdinand: My teeth are perfect. (When pulling teeth) Trevor: You ain't going to be chewing steak anytime soon. Trevor: Best way to make a man talk, is to stop him being able to talk. Trevor: He was a tough SOB, that little guy. Ferdinand: I 'ust' ant ohh 'et out ob' ere! (When a gas canister with water is selected.) Trevor: If my momma had waterboarded me more often, I wouldn't be the gun-toting psychopath you see before you now. Trevor: This is a mental battle, my brother. You've got to convince yourself you're not gonna drown. Trevor: Nothing to complain about here, pal. This is totally legit. Trevor: They'll be doing this shit at elementary schools in no time, It's legal, bro. Legal. Ferdinand: I'll panic! My heart! (When tortured for a long time) Steve: He's wet alright. Let up. Steve: Let up. he might drown. (When the water torture ends) Trevor: Help me pick this up. Ferdinand: I thought I was dead... Ferdinand: I can breathe! Ferdinand: That was a torture! Ferdinand: I'm alive! Trevor: Like it never happened. Ferdinand: I wish it never happened. Trevor: It was all a dream. Ferdinand: It's a nightmare! Trevor: Today's lesson is about government regulation. ---- (If Ferdinand fainted while tortured.) Trevor: I guess our interrogation techniques were a little too advanced. Trevor: Hasn't this man done enough for national security? Trevor: He looks so peaceful sleeping there. I don't wanna wake him. (When using an adrenaline syringe) Trevor: I'm taking a shot of this after him. Trevor: Here goes. Trevor: We're outta shots. No more second chance. Trevor: All outta shots. Next time you die for real. Ferdinand: Where am I? Ferdinand: The light! Let me go to it! (If you don't use an adrenaline syringe and you feel good) Steve: Now hold on, hold on, wh-what the fuck, hold on. Steve: Forget it. Steve: He's fucking dead. Trevor: Oh yeah, poor, bastard, man. Steve: You are a fucking moron. Trevor: Whoa. Trevor: Hey, I just spent the past few hours torturing a seemingly innocent guy to death, and I don't even know why I did it. Trevor: So dose that make me a fucking moron? Steve: You're going down, punk. Steve: At the exact moment I get bored with you, your little racket... will end. Trevor: Yeah, you love those fucking tough guy lines don't ya huh? Trevor: Fuck you! ---- (If the first advisor is successful) Steve: Mr. Philips. Steve: Ask him about Tahir Javan. Ferdinand: Why didn't you ask me? Ferdinand: I know Tahir. I did his home theater.... Ferdinand: He lives in Chumash. Ferdinand: The right, on The Western Highway. Steve: Well that wasn't so tough, was it? huh? Steve: Did you get that? Steve: He lives in Chumash, The Western Highway. ---- (Changed to Michael's point of view.) Dave: Chumash. You're driving. Dave: Remember, terror does not take coffee breaks. Michael: What a dick. Michael: So how are Steve and Trevor getting along? Dave: Seems like a productive relationship. Michael: Well, like I said, he's got his uses. Dave: And as you can see, we're trying to take full advantage of them. Michael: Then what? Dave: This thing with the Agency gets put to rest, and we don't need you anymore. Michael: Right, and what about Trevor? Dave: What about him? Michael: I need some resolution, Davey. You let him walk. Michael: You said you'd clean the whole thing up back in North Yankton. Dave: And you told me it'd be a clean job-no casualties. Dave: There were more eyes on that town than there needed to be. Michael: Yeah, well according to my eyes, Trevor is your problem, Dave, as much as he is mine. Dave: He's not a problem at all. We're monitoring him. Has he said anything about Brad? Michael: Fuck yeah, heh has. Plenty. I keep changing the subject. Michael: You know, he thinks you might actually commute Brad's sentence when this is all over. Dave: That's good. Fine work. We'll send another letter. It's about time, anyway. Michael: Ah, so that's you who's been sending those fucking letters to Trevor, huh? Dave: Yeah, He thinks they're from Brad-who he thinks is locked up in high security, Dave: and not, well not six feet under in a grave marked Michael Townley. Dave: The trainees write them. It's a good exercise. Michael: What the fuck? How'd that get started? Dave: A few years ago, a letter came to the Federal prison system, addressed to Brad. Dave: Wasn't singed, but it gave a PO box in Sandy Shores. Dave: I played the part of Brad, and we started a correspondence. Michael: Thanks for telling me, Davey. Dave: I was doing you a favor. Didn't think you'd want to know he was in the same state. Michael: So now what? I just sit back and hope he doesn't figure it out? Dave: It's worked so far... Michael: He's a time bomb, Dave, and you fucking know it. ---- (Michael and Dave arrive at the sniper point.) Dave: This'll do. Michael: Alright. Find out who we're looking for. Dave: Yeah, we need a description of the target. Steve: Yeah.. Err.. Steve: I'll take care of it. Steve: Loosen him up. Ferdinand: Oh, no, no, please, I'll tell you what you want to know. Trevor: What? Steve: Loosen him up! Ferdinand: No... Please... ---- (If the second advisor succeeds) Steve: Hey...Hey...Hey...Hey.. Steve: Now.. huh? Now you ready to talk? Ferdinand: I've been ready to talk since the day I got kidnapped six weeks ago. Steve: That's what we were afraid of. Ferdinand: Now I'm even more willing to talk. Steve: So... yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve: this guy we're after, what does he look like? Ferdinand: Average build. Average height. Middle-aged. Dark hair. Steve: Yeah, yeah, sounds like you're stalling. This better be enough. Steve: Middle-aged, middle height, middle build, whatever. Steve: He's dark, okay? He's Azerbaijani for God's sake. Steve: Look around, that enough for you? ---- (If you don't do it in order and you kill the target immediately) Dave: What the hell? Michael: That was the guy. I had a feeling. It'll check out. Dave: Well... we've.... got him. It's done. ---- (Sniper view) Michael: We're live. Dave: You see anyone down there who might be an Azerbaijani? Michael: Fuck do I know? You might be an Azerbajina for all I know. What's one look like? Dave: They look Eastern. Michael: Half this town looks Eastern, Davey, You got the fall of the Shah and the collapse of communism to thank for that. Dave: Anyone stand out? Michael: No, they all kind of blend in. Make a call, Dave. Dave: We're going to need some more info on this guy. They're having a party down there. ---- Steve: That ain't gonna cut it, my friend. Ferdinand: Shit. Shit. I, I, let me think... Steve: Bzzzt! Steve: Sorry, too late! Trevor, show our contestant what he's won today! Trevor: Okay! Ferdinand: Wait! wait, wait, I remember! ---- (If the third advisor succeeds) Steve: So, what have you got for us? Steve: Hmm? We need Trev to shake up your memory again? Ferdinand: No, no, no no no. Ferdinand: Please, no No, no please, no. Trevor: No, no, no, no, no. Ferdinand: No, no, he's got beard! Steve: Oh, he's got beard? Ferdinand: He's got bushy beard! Steve: Uh-huh? I think you're making this up. Ferdinand: No, no. I'm not. Steve: Huh? Yeah? Ferdinand: I'm, telling the truth. Steve: Yeah? Bushy beard? Steve: Got any beardy types at this party? Huh? Steve: Because that's all Mr. K's given us. Steve: You know, I'm thinking maybe we ought to just take two bullets and put them in our informant... Ferdinand: Please, no. Steve: and just call an airstrike on Chumash Beach. ---- Michael: Who am I looking for? Dave: Steve's saying "beard". What you got? Michael: Anything specific, or is some stubble gonna cut it? Dave: Let's start at mountain man, and we'll work our way down till someone fits the profile. Michael: There's a few beards at this party. Vinewood's full of weak chins. Place is famous for it. Dave: Damn! Dave: Beards are in fashion in Chumash. Land of beach hipsters. We need more. ---- Steve: It's gonna be a long day until you give us some intel on our target. Ferdinand: He's a, he's got beard. Ferdinand: He smokes... he smokes like a fucking chimney! Steve: I, I don't know. Trev, maybe one more time? Just to be sure. Trevor: Uh huh. Ferdinand: I told you, he smokes. ---- (If the fourth advisor succeeds) Ferdinand: I don't know anything. Please... Steve: Mr. K? Steve: Shh.... Steve: It's okay. Ferdinand: He, he chain smokes... he's left handed... Steve: What's that? Ferdinand: He chain smokes... and he's left handed. Steve: Aha, okay. Steve: Any of these beardy guys at the party smoke cigarettes? Steve: Mr. K says he smokes like a pack or two a day. Ferdinand: Redwood cigarettes. Steve: Thank you Mr. K. ---- Dave: Steve's telling me he chain smokes Redwoods. Michael: It ain't the cigarettes that'll kill him. It's the guys who put the warnings on the packets he should worry about. Dave: And he's left handed. Michael: Oh, now I get it. You're telling me to assassinate a guy because he's got facial hair, a cigarette, and he's left handed? Dave: I'm telling you to assassinate a guy because he's a threat to national security. The rest's details. (When aiming at the same person as the description) Michael: Oh, I see someone. He fits the profile. Michael: Yup- fits it all the way. Michael: I got a good feeling... well, good as you can get while clipping a guy who probably don't deserve it. Michael: And now I'm taking the shot. (When killing the target) Michael: Davey, I got someone. Definitely a lefty, Redwood smoking, bearded, maybe, could be, used to be Azerbaijani. Dave: Good enough for me. Steve, It's done. ---- Steve: Woo! That is a wrap my friends. Steve: Excellent work the pair of you. Steve: Now, I've got a racquetball game to get to, so, Trevor, if you take care of Mr. K, I think we're all set. Trevor: What the fuck do you want me to do with him? Steve: I would say he's outlived his usefulness. Ferdinand: Oh, c'mom please. Trevor: Shut up! Steve: That's a sport. Trevor: Let's go, come on. Ferdinand: Where you taking me to? Trevor: Fuck, let's just go, okay? Trevor: I ain't gonna let those G-man fucking scumbags tell me what to do. Ferdinand: Then why did you just torture me? Trevor: Don't ask too many fucking questions. Trevor: Let's go, get up. Trevor: Come on, up the fucking stairs. Trevor: Come on. (Trevor puts Ferdinand in the car.) Trevor: Alright, now you got a flight to catch. Trevor: Okay? Let's get you to the airport. (Trevor corrects his posture.) Trevor: Oh, safety first. ---- (If the tooth was removed) Trevor: Hey, how's your mouth? Ferdinand: It hurts. Trevor: Can you speak? Ferdinand: Kinda. Trevor: Are you going to hold it together? Ferdinand: I want to go home, I want to see my family. Trevor: No, no, no. You have no home. You have no family, That shit is over. Ferdinand: I do. They're in Morningwood. I love them very much. Trevor: No. That's your old life, That's over now. You're off the grid, you're one of the invisible people. Ferdinand: Just take me home. Trevor: I'm taking you to the airport. You're going to get on a plane. Trevor: You're flying a long way from this country and you're going to spread your message. Ferdinand: I don't have a message. Trevor: You're a torture advocate! Ferdinand: Advocate? Trevor: The media and the government would have us believe that torture is some necessary thing. Trevor: We need it to get information, to assert ourselves. Did we get any information out of you? Ferdinand: I would have told you everyting. Trevor: Exactly. Torture's for the torturer. Or the guy giving the orders to the torturer. Trevor: You torture for the good times-we should all admit that. It's useless a means of getting information! Ferdinand: I'm feeling light-headed. Trevor: Sometimes you torture for the torturee-but only if they're prepared to pay. Ferdinand: I'm very unwell. Trevor: It's "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me," with you. Trevor: Jesus Christ. Good grief. I thought we rally bonded, but now I'm having my doubts. ---- (If the tooth or teeth were not removed) Trevor: How ya feelin'? Ferdinand: I need to get to a hospital. Trevor: Nah, you're fine. Ferdinand: I can assure you, I am not. Trevor: No one likes a cry baby. You look great. Ferdinand: Let me see the mirror. Ferdinand: I think I need a hospital. Trevor: You are not going to a hospital!!! You need to leave! Ferdinand: Who are you? And... why are you helping me? Trevor: I told you, I don't like being told what to do Ferdinand: Then why are you working with FIB? Trevor: I'm a double agent. Ferdinand: Yeah, then who you work for? IAA? Trevor: The IAA want you dead as well. Don't you remember? Ferdinand: The Marshal? Globopol? Who? Trevor: Globopoo? Did you say Globopoo? I work for the forces of sanity. Ferdinand: Sanity? Trevor: And we need you to tell the world what happened to you... from the safety of a foreign country, preferably a dictatorship. Ferdinand: What do you mean? Trevor: You've got a message, you are a message, yeah? Okay, look, I love torture. Torture for the sake of torture, Trevor: that's my bag. But there are people in our government, in the media, who think that torture is a means to an end. Trevor: They think it'll get them somewhere. We gotta call bullshit on them. Trevor: Torture's not going to make you normal friends or get you information. Ferdinand: I'm slipping out of consciousness. Am I dying? Trevor: You're not dying, you're being a bit of a wuss. Trevor: I know people who would pay good money for what you just enjoyed. I would. ---- (arrived at the airport) Trevor: Departures. Trevor: No one drives me to the airport. Trevor: Here we be. Trevor: Run. Trevor: You're free. Ferdinand: But my family's here. Trevor: Your family is probably the ones who got you fucking in here, alright? Trevor: Now look, trust no one, alright? Trevor: You're alone now. Ferdinand: Really? Trevor: Yeah, really, now let's go, fuck off. Trevor: Come on. Steve: He lives in Chumash, The Western Highway. ---- (Changed to Michael's point of view.) Dave: Chumash. You're driving. Dave: Remember, terror does not take coffee breaks. Michael: What a dick. Michael: So how are Steve and Trevor getting along? Dave: Seems like a productive relationship. Michael: Well, like I said, he's got his uses. Dave: And as you can see, we're trying to take full advantage of them. Michael: Then what? Dave: This thing with the Agency gets put to rest, and we don't need you anymore. Michael: Right, and what about Trevor? Dave: What about him? Michael: I need some resolution, Davey. You let him walk. Michael: You said you'd clean the whole thing up back in North Yankton. Dave: And you told me it'd be a clean job-no casualties. Dave: There were more eyes on that town than there needed to be. Michael: Yeah, well according to my eyes, Trevor is your problem, Dave, as much as he is mine. Dave: He's not a problem at all. We're monitoring him. Has he said anything about Brad? Michael: Fuck yeah, heh has. Plenty. I keep changing the subject. Michael: You know, he thinks you might actually commute Brad's sentence when this is all over. Dave: That's good. Fine work. We'll send another letter. It's about time, anyway. Michael: Ah, so that's you who's been sending those fucking letters to Trevor, huh? Dave: Yeah, He thinks they're from Brad-who he thinks is locked up in high security, Dave: and not, well not six feet under in a grave marked Michael Townley. Dave: The trainees write them. It's a good exercise. Michael: What the fuck? How'd that get started? Dave: A few years ago, a letter came to the Federal prison system, addressed to Brad. Dave: Wasn't singed, but it gave a PO box in Sandy Shores. Dave: I played the part of Brad, and we started a correspondence. Michael: Thanks for telling me, Davey. Dave: I was doing you a favor. Didn't think you'd want to know he was in the same state. Michael: So now what? I just sit back and hope he doesn't figure it out? Dave: It's worked so far... Michael: He's a time bomb, Dave, and you fucking know it. ---- (Michael and Dave arrive at the sniper point.) Dave: This'll do. Michael: Alright. Find out who we're looking for. Dave: Yeah, we need a description of the target. Steve: Yeah.. Err.. Steve: I'll take care of it. Steve: Loosen him up. Ferdinand: Oh, no, no, please, I'll tell you what you want to know. Trevor: What? Steve: Loosen him up! Ferdinand: No... Please... ---- (If the second advisor succeeds) Steve: Hey...Hey...Hey...Hey.. Steve: Now.. huh? Now you ready to talk? Ferdinand: I've been ready to talk since the day I got kidnapped six weeks ago. Steve: That's what we were afraid of. Ferdinand: Now I'm even more willing to talk. Steve: So... yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve: this guy we're after, what does he look like? Ferdinand: Average build. Average height. Middle-aged. Dark hair. Steve: Yeah, yeah, sounds like you're stalling. This better be enough. Steve: Middle-aged, middle height, middle build, whatever. Steve: He's dark, okay? He's Azerbaijani for God's sake. Steve: Look around, that enough for you? ---- (If you don't do it in order and you kill the target immediately) Dave: What the hell? Michael: That was the guy. I had a feeling. It'll check out. Dave: Well... we've.... got him. It's done. ---- (Sniper view) Michael: We're live. Dave: You see anyone down there who might be an Azerbaijani? Michael: Fuck do I know? You might be an Azerbajina for all I know. What's one look like? Dave: They look Eastern. Michael: Half this town looks Eastern, Davey, You got the fall of the Shah and the collapse of communism to thank for that. Dave: Anyone stand out? Michael: No, they all kind of blend in. Make a call, Dave. Dave: We're going to need some more info on this guy. They're having a party down there. ---- Steve: That ain't gonna cut it, my friend. Ferdinand: Shit. Shit. I, I, let me think... Steve: Bzzzt! Steve: Sorry, too late! Trevor, show our contestant what he's won today! Trevor: Okay! Ferdinand: Wait! wait, wait, I remember! ---- (If the third advisor succeeds) Steve: So, what have you got for us? Steve: Hmm? We need Trev to shake up your memory again? Ferdinand: No, no, no no no. Ferdinand: Please, no No, no please, no. Trevor: No, no, no, no, no. Ferdinand; No, no, he's got beard! Steve: Oh, he's got beard? Ferdinand: He's got bushy beard! Steve: Uh-huh? I think you're making this up. Ferdinand; No, no. I'm not. Steve: Huh? Yeah? Ferdinand: I'm, telling the truth. Steve: Yeah? Bushy beard? Steve: Got any beardy types at this party? Huh? Steve: Because that's all Mr. K's given us. Steve: You know, I'm thinking maybe we ought to just take two bullets and put them in our informant... Ferdinand: Please, no. Steve: and just call an airstrike on Chumash Beach. ---- Michael: Who am I looking for? Dave: Steve's saying "beard". What you got? Michael: Anything specific, or is some stubble gonna cut it? Dave: Let's start at mountain man, and we'll work our way down till someone fits the profile. Michael: There's a few beards at this party. Vinewood's full of weak chins. Place is famous for it. Dave: Damn! Dave: Beards are in fashion in Chumash. Land of beach hipsters. We need more. ---- Steve: It's gonna be a long day until you give us some intel on our target. Ferdinand: He's a, he's got beard. Ferdinand: He smokes... he smokes like a fucking chimney! Steve: I, I don't know. Trev, maybe one more time? Just to be sure. Trevor: Uh huh. Ferdinand: I told you, he smokes. ---- (If the fourth advisor succeeds) Ferdinand: I don't know anything. Please... Steve: Mr. K? Steve: Shh.... Steve: It's okay. Ferdinand: He, he chain smokes... he's left handed... Steve: What's that? Ferdinand: He chain smokes... and he's left handed. Steve: Aha, okay. Steve: Any of these beardy guys at the party smoke cigarettes? Steve: Mr. K says he smokes like a pack or two a day. Ferdinand: Redwood cigarettes. Steve: Thank you Mr. K. ---- Dave: Steve's telling me he chain smokes Redwoods. Michael: It ain't the cigarettes that'll kill him. It's the guys who put the warnings on the packets he should worry about. Dave: And he's left handed. Michael: Oh, now I get it. You're telling me to assassinate a guy because he's got facial hair, a cigarette, and he's left handed? Dave: I'm telling you to assassinate a guy because he's a threat to national security. The rest's details. (When aiming at the same person as the description) Michael: Oh, I see someone. He fits the profile. Michael: Yup- fits it all the way. Michael: I got a good feeling... well, good as you can get while clipping a guy who probably don't deserve it. Michael: And now I'm taking the shot. (When killing the target) Michael: Davey, I got someone. Definitely a lefty, Redwood smoking, bearded, maybe, could be, used to be Azerbaijani. Dave: Good enough for me. Steve, It's done. ---- Steve: Woo! That is a wrap my friends. Steve: Excellent work the pair of you. Steve: Now, I've got a racquetball game to get to, so, Trevor, if you take care of Mr. K, I think we're all set. Trevor: What the fuck do you want me to do with him? Steve: I would say he's outlived his usefulness. Ferdinand: Oh, c'mom please. Trevor: Shut up! Steve: That's a sport. Trevor: Let's go, come on. Ferdinand: Where you taking me to? Trevor: Fuck, let's just go, okay? Trevor: I ain't gonna let those G-man fucking scumbags tell me what to do. Ferdinand: Then why did you just torture me? Trevor: Don't ask too many fucking questions. Trevor: Let's go, get up. Trevor: Come on, up the fucking stairs. Trevor: Come on. (Trevor puts Ferdinand in the car.) Trevor: Alright, now you got a flight to catch. Trevor: Okay? Let's get you to the airport. (Trevor corrects his posture.) Trevor: Oh, safety first. ---- (If the tooth was removed) Trevor: Hey, how's your mouth? Ferdinand: It hurts. Trevor: Can you speak? Ferdinand: Kinda. Trevor: Are you going to hold it together? Ferdinand: I want to go home, I want to see my family. Trevor: No, no, no. You have no home. You have no family, That shit is over. Ferdinand: I do. They're in Morningwood. I love them very much. Trevor: No. That's your old life, That's over now. You're off the grid, you're one of the invisible people. Ferdinand: Just take me home. Trevor: I'm taking you to the airport. You're going to get on a plane. Trevor: You're flying a long way from this country and you're going to spread your message. Ferdinand: I don't have a message. Trevor: You're a torture advocate! Ferdinand: Advocate? Trevor: The media and the government would have us believe that torture is some necessary thing. Trevor: We need it to get information, to assert ourselves. Did we get any information out of you? Ferdinand: I would have told you everyting. Trevor: Exactly. Torture's for the torturer. Or the guy giving the orders to the torturer. Trevor: You torture for the good times-we should all admit that. It's useless a means of getting information! Ferdinand: I'm feeling light-headed. Trevor: Sometimes you torture for the torturee-but only if they're prepared to pay. Ferdinand: I'm very unwell. Trevor: It's "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me," with you. Trevor: Jesus Christ. Good grief. I thought we rally bonded, but now I'm having my doubts. ---- (If the tooth or teeth were not removed) Trevor: How ya feelin'? Ferdinand: I need to get to a hospital. Trevor: Nah, you're fine. Ferdinand: I can assure you, I am not. Trevor: No one likes a cry baby. You look great. Ferdinand: Let me see the mirror. Ferdinand: I think I need a hospital. Trevor: You are not going to a hospital!!! You need to leave! Ferdinand: Who are you? And... why are you helping me? Trevor: I told you, I don't like being told what to do Ferdinand: Then why are you working with FIB? Trevor: I'm a double agent. Ferdinand: Yeah, then who you work for? IAA? Trevor: The IAA want you dead as well. Don't you remember? Ferdinand: The Marshal? Globopol? Who? Trevor: Globopoo? Did you say Globopoo? I work for the forces of sanity. Ferdinand: Sanity? Trevor: And we need you to tell the world what happened to you... from the safety of a foreign country, preferably a dictatorship. Ferdinand: What do you mean? Trevor: You've got a message, you are a message, yeah? Okay, look, I love torture. Torture for the sake of torture, Trevor: that's my bag. But there are people in our government, in the media, who think that torture is a means to an end. Trevor: They think it'll get them somewhere. We gotta call bullshit on them. Trevor: Torture's not going to make you normal friends or get you information. Ferdinand; I'm slipping out of consciousness. Am I dying? Trevor: You're not dying, you're being a bit of a wuss. Trevor: I know people who would pay good money for what you just enjoyed. I would. ---- (arrived at the airport) Trevor: Departures. Trevor: No one drives me to the airport. Trevor: Here we be. Trevor: Run. Trevor: You're free. Ferdinand: But my family's here. Trevor: Your family is probably the ones who got you fucking in here, alright? Trevor: Now look, trust no one, alright? Trevor: You're alone now. Ferdinand: Really? Trevor: Yeah, really, now let's go, fuck off. Trevor: Come on.