Part 3 First Contact

>You wake up
>The first thing you do is check your surroundings
>You're in some sort of makeshift bed
>Not more than a pillow and some blankets
>You look around, and see what appears to be a bedroom.
>There's the usual furniture and what-not
>Maybe you just passed out at a wild dorm party
>>Weren't you a captain?
>Quit it brain. I'm just going to get up and
>NOPE
>As you try to get up, pain from your left shoulder catches you by surprise and keeps you from getting out of your bed
>You look at your shoulder and find some bandages, thick with dried blood.
>Getting up Round 2
>Roll onto your right side and jump up, knocking off the blankets.
>On the ground next to you is your sack, but a quick glance reveal that your knife and gun are missing
>You see you're wearing your ABU trousers and the sand t-shirt, but your blouse is gone
>It might be beyond AFI standards right now
>Ha ha brain, good one
>Brain?
>System scan unexpectedly stopped. Continue? (Y/N)
>N
>Restore to last session? (Y/N)
>N
>Boot up in safe mode? (Y/N)
>NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
>Lets get going
>You find the door and walk through it.
>It's almost like you're in some sort of cottage
>....You are
>Ask me how many fucks I give
>....
>Go on, ask
>Uh... how many
>63.
>Oh, ok.
>Your split-personality conversation is interrupted when you walk down the stairs and into the kitchen
>You see the yellow horse making food for...other little animals
>All your wat
>Taking in the scene, you realize that it's not quite a horse. Much too small. She (?) looks like she'd come up only to about your waist.
>Soaking in the scene: A (female?) yellow...pony... with wings... is feeding other animals.
>She sees you standing near the stairs, and she smiles at you
>"Aeik ns wpafn Em Nakjen?
>Damnit, something needs to be done about this language barrier
>She's gliding over to you with a bowl of salad
>Your stomach growls. You can't remember the last time you ate.
>She giggles and says "Uimk eae ower wpafn!" as she hands you the bowl.
Am I another animal to you?
>She looks at you with mild curiosity
>It appears she knows you're somewhat intelligent, but cannot understand you
>Glad to have something to eat, you decide not to look...
>Put on your Oakleys
>..a gift horse in the mouth
>YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
>What the fuck was that?
>Shut up brain, I can make terrible puns if I want to
>No, no you can't. You've gone and startled the poor thing
>You see the pony is nervous about your rather loud "yeah"
>Putting away your Oakleys, you nod to her, and eat the salad like a caveman
>She leaves you to tend to the other animals
>In less than a minute, you're already done
>That salad did little to curb your appetite, but you weren't going to complain, because
>Abort pun
>Then it would be
>ABORT PUN
>Alright, jeez.
>You look out a window and notice the sun is rising
I was out for at least 16 hours...
>She hears you speak and looks up at you, concerned
>Damn, that is a very cute face, and the way that her hair hides half of it...
>Stop right there. We've been through this before.
>You're right brain. Thanks.
>No biggie. Found an uncorrupted file for once.
>Ok
>You shake off your trance, and smile to her
>She offers a small smile
>Suddenly a knock
>The pony walks towards the door and opens it, revealing the other pony you ran into yesterday
>This one also looks like a female, now that you have a good look at it.
>She's carrying a pouch on her back
>She wastes no time as she approaches you
>"Wenak knawo ghe adi wifh, oap?"
>You shrug
>Her horn starts to glow and things float out of that pouch
>HOLY SHIT
>Are you a wizard?
>Quit it
>No
>Quit it, or I quit life
>.....
>I'm serious here
>...Fine.
>She seems to be observing you, taking notes with her... floating, glowing pen and paper
>Great, she's a nerd
>No, wait, this is good! She's studying you. She just wants to learn more about you
>Enthralled, you get an idea
>You point at the paper and the pen, and imitate writing
>This seemed to excite her, and another pen and paper float to you
>You're about to write down your alphabet, when suddenly it hits you
>You were essentially going to give your language to what amounts to an alien in the hopes that it would understand that this was your written language
>Come on, you can do better than that!
>Thinkingthinkingthinking DONE!
>Let's impress this pony
>You draw a right triangle, and draw three, four, and five lines next to the shortest, longer, and longest sides, respectively
>That ought to show her the Pythagorean theorem
>She's beyond excited, now furiously scribbling down notes
>Time to introduce her to your numbering system
>You show her numbers as a group of dots with the corresponding character associated with it
>   (0)  . (1) ..(2) ...(3) ..
>                           .. (4)
>etc. to the number 10
>Showing basic math like 4+4=8, 4x4=16 keeping with the dots to exemplify quantity
>The yellow pony is watching passively with interest, but the lavender pony is fiercely obsessed with you
>You finish your maths
>Bitches love
>Mental punch
>OHGODTHEPAIN
>Anyways, it seems that that old saying about math being a universal language is true
>You've just proved to the dominent race that you are intelligent
>So, does that mean you're on another planet or something?
>Not the time brain, we'll figure this out later.
>She stops and says to the yellow pony "ADFWU IOA NFDKS FJD ILJFN TOAI ALKDFJLLANEJ AF IADF! Fgha akdfn aioc bwei. Dnf f?
>You weren't a linguist in the Air Force
>At least, you don't think you were
>Na, definitely not. Otherwise, you might be able to understand to some degree what's going on
>The yellow pony, now backing up, nods nervously
>Poor thing, she must be pretty shy by nature
>Your sympathy is cut short by a purple aura that surrounds you
Wait, what's going
>Weird-ass sound
on?
>In the blink of an eye, you're in a different place, surrounded by books
>Oh God a library!
>Well, I guess it makes sense.
>You look around, and see that it appears to be a house as well. You find that she's already got a book out.
>Note to self: She's quick. Watch out for her.
>Her horn starts to glow...
>Oh God, what's going on
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iabC7-9YUG4
>Your head feels like it met the wrong end of a hammer
WHAT WAS THAT? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
>Her face seemed full of disappointment. "Kd andls wdfn"
>"IESPE!"
>Suddenly, a little purple/green... ok what the fuck is that?
>Whatever it is, it comes out walking on it's hind legs.
>So, you aren't the only bipedal thing here
>"Iespe, ihfao e fheuao. Qwnf Akneo Vasdofk, adflkj ianh ufhue njnjka uczcvb adfu akjfb nv iefoweanfma! Weefadfn yjfnj ajsbjsd usfdha afbnknv. Sffdeaj fakfjd aweofhm. Dfnajmfk adfn, buioaf asjzvd wefnudf, uhfen fovzx. Iowaf cvcvju, Ewefhj Qefnvk."
>Damn, your head hurts even more.
>Apparently, that little thing was writing everything down. You felt kinda bad for him.
>Then he burned the note
>With fucking fire.
>FROM HIS MOUTH
>Oh, it's a dragon... Well, it makes as much sense as the rest of this place
>So it's ok?
>Ok
>...no, it's not ok!
>You've had your fun acid trip through this place, now you have to find a way home.
>You make towads the door, when you spot your ABU blouse, along with your weapons
>So apparently she's studying everything about you.
>You grab your stuff and open the door...shit everything is smaller here
>Are you in Wonderland?
>No, it makes sense. These ponies are smaller than you, so naturally they'd make doors smaller
>Doesn't keep you from being pissed.
>"Ivnd! Sfaw! Owefn vxueo ahv waf?"
>You turn suddenly towards her
I'm going
>Shoulder says no
>Bleeding starts again
>Face also says no
>Fuck you face and shoulders, I don't need you to walk.
>Sad face
>Shoulder hurts real bad now.
>In fact you start to pass out, the last thing you see is that dragon burping up a flame and a paper comes out
>Paper comes in, paper goes out... Can't explain it
>Brainsplosion
>I told you enough was enough
>SOOOOMUCHPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
>I told you about those fucking jokes
>SHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
>Thankfully, you completely pass out


>You awaken later inside...a chariot. With that lavender pony and the little dragon
>You are now convinced this place wants all your wats
>"Hwn wef nu?"
>A look of concern is on her face
>That dragon doesn't looks like he cares
>Well fuck you too buddy
>Your head hurts a little from the punishment your brain gave you, as well as your shoulder for obvious reasons
>Your ABU blouse is still on, but the weapons are gone
>Note to self: Watch her even more next time
>A sudden drop gives your stomach a lurch
>Oh Shit you're in a flying chariot!
>You didn't even notice you were flying
>With two ponies with wings pulling you...
>Pony doesn't seem like the right term here
>They're still smaller than you, but they're more masculine and well built
>No time for that, WE'RE FALLING!
>Wait, you're a pilot, aren't you?
>MAN the fuck up!
>Pokerface.exe initiated
>You land outside a huge palace
>At least it will have enough room for you
>You're led through beautiful, gigantic rooms
>It seems like a place for royalty, but on a bigger scale
>Suddenly, door
>>We meet again. This time, I WILL make it through you
>The door opens up
>Inside... are two... Alright fuck the English language
>They're horses. Biggest you've seen
>One with a white body and an ethereal mane... multicolored. She has a giant horn, and wings?
>The other is similar, but dark blue. She also seems slightly smaller than the other
>Tattoos on asses
>What is with this culture?
>The lavender pony is bowing, as you notice
>Huh, where'd the dragon go? Dragon things apparently.
>Oh shit. They've got crowns.
>Instinctively, you give a crisp salute
>An apparent look of "What does that mean?" flashes across their faces
>Meh, you gave them something
>And you sure as FUCK are not bowing
>That's what the Japanese would want you to do after they burned the White House in the War of Pearl Harbor in the summer of 69...
>682 history files corrupted
>Damn it brain, I thought I said discontinue the scan
>You need a good night of sleep
>The little pony starts talking
>"Meru Vsokk dfjmk! Amfgh fnvkiao iwerq mvksla kdjf adkn. Endfk nvls woeu nav..."
>The darker pony looks intrigued, but the white one catches your eyes
>She seems to be thinking of something...
>Her white horn starts glowing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5RzuKSUjUk&feature=related
>What an interesting experience
>And by interesting, you mean painful
>Your mind feels like it's filling up with information and losing it at the same time.
>You feel a soft burn in your throat
>Your legs are useless, as they couldn't hold you up from the extreme pain you're experiencing
>You scream loudly as this goes on for longer than you can keep track of
>Finally, the pain recedes, and you're just shivering on the floor
>"Did it work?"
Did what worK?